You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
