He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
