Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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