She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
