i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
