I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
