i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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