Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
