you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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