oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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