pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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