Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
