Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
