I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
