just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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