Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
