Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
