just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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