the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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