I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
this is an emotional support booty call
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
