You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so much tequila, so little girl.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
