Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
