"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We are all done wearing pants today
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
