I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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