Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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