yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
