If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
