shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
