I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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