I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
