i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
