Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
