yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize