I'm eating all of the evidence.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize