they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
