walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
