i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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