Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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