I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
