Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize