I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
