Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
