Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
