I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
