shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You may now shotgun with the bride
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
