She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
