At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
