Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
