oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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