im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
