is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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