I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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