The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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