Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
