I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
