im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this just has baby written all over it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
