There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
