Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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