you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
