Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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