And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize