miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
