maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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